This almost didn't get posted....

Below is an e-mail I sent to several of my friends because although I wanted to share my composition, I was afraid that it was too crude or "tacky" for my blog. However, their responses (also posted below) encouraged me to just throw it out there. Hell, it's my blog.


Dear Sisters,

Amongst the slang and the crude, through the demeaning and the illogical, sometimes phallic nicknames for a woman’s vagina, there are very few that I have ever felt comfortable claiming. Recently, “Va-jay-jay” has taken many of my friends by storm as a “cute” nickname for her previously regarded “most private parts.” However, there are so many other names that many women, myself included, can’t (and don’t desire to) lay claim to: beaver, bush, bearded clam, pussy, cunt, crack, crease, furbox, slot, and adam’s cave. How many of these names sound like they were impressed upon the misunderstood idea of a vagina by men (or hormone crazed boys for that matter?) Upon reflecting on my own vagina, studying her a little more closely, and getting to know myself, along with this very important part of myself, more intimately, I’ve decided that my vagina does not conform to a single of the aforementioned nicknames. I did my research and looked into nature to find what pet name best represents my vagina. I’ve found that my vagina is most accurately depicted as being my oyster.

The Oyster shell consists of two usually highly calcified valves which surround a soft body. A small, three-chambered heart, lying under the adductor muscle, pumps colorless blood, with its supply of oxygen, to all parts of the body. Oysters always orient themselves with their outer, flared shell tilted upward. One valve is cupped and the other is flat. The submerged shell opens periodically to permit the oyster to feed.

(May I interrupt to make note here, that my oyster only feeds when she is hungry, not on the schedule of any other form of biota in the sea.)
Oysters are fished by simply gathering them from their beds. A variety of means are used. In very shallow waters they can be gathered by hand or with small rakes. In somewhat deeper water, long-handled rakes or oyster tongs are used to reach the beds. Patent tongs can be lowered on a line to reach beds which are too deep to reach directly.
(My oyster is also illusive and requires different manners of “gathering” depended upon which bed she finds herself in.)
Raw oysters are regarded like wines in that they have complex flavors that vary greatly among varieties and regions: some taste sweet, others salty or with a mineral flavor, or even like melon. The texture is soft and fleshy
(Do I need to comment here?)

Oysters have always been linked with love. When Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love, sprang forth from the sea on an oyster shell and promptly gave birth to Eros, the word "aphrodisiac" was born. The dashing lover Casanova also used to start a meal eating 12 dozen oysters.

Signed,
Still Looking for Casanova.


Responses from the girls:

Nikki: Ok first of all, I have never seen anyone second guess themselves on if the content of their blog is too "tacky." Maybe if they were writing a newspaper novel yes...
My second point is that the characteristic of the oyster that defines your "oyster" the most is that it is surrounded by "hard calcified" valves.
And last but not least... your cold icy stare and sarcastic comments are NOT considered aphrodisiacs!!!!!

Drea: He he he....
Even before I knew what this was about, I saw the picture of the oyster and thought, hmmm, that's quite the interesting picture...looks like a vagina!!!
So it looks like one, acts like one, and, who knows, maybe tastes like one. ( although never having dined on either oysters or vaginas, I can't really vouch for that one :) Yes I can certainly see some very obvious comparisons. And I like the fact that oysters have pearls in them, because I do believe that every 'oyster' does have a pearl of a girl inside. Haha, how's that for tacky!
Yeah it's an interesting blog. Quite honestly, it's kind of weird to read about something like that coming from you- although I do remember us having conversations about feminism and such and I'm guessing this is where that is coming from. Ew you're right. Those aforementioned names are disgusting and most CERTAINLY dreamt up by some horny, nasty dude. 'Oyster' has many more accurate and flattering connotations, but I don't like the sound of the word itself. How about 'my shellfish' or 'my clam'. Ew, no, still sounds bad. Hahaha!
Ok well there are my musings on the subject- I say, put it on your blog! Speak out for the vajayjay! Let's reclaim our privates away from sex-hungry barbarous men!

Steph: did you see in the drawing of the oyster that there is a part called the "labial palp" very much like the labia...
labial palp 1. In some Mollusca, one of a pair of flap-like folds at the end of each tentacle by which food is transported to the mouth. 2. One of the pair of jointed, sensory structures carried on the labium of the mouth of an insect. They articulate with the part of the labium known as the prementum.
I think someone thought it looked "that which shall not be named in this email in the event that a supervisor looks over my shoulder and reads just one word" as well! dirty scientists!